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Post by Uncle Quentin on Aug 13, 2018 11:08:28 GMT
In other news, I've just made a DVD of me sat up in bed explaining how much it would mean to me to plough Alma. I've heard she's very susceptible to DVDs.
I'm off up the post office now to send it to her, then I'll come back and have a bit of a tidy up I think ready for when she comes round to have sex with me.
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Post by Charley Says... on Aug 13, 2018 17:13:56 GMT
Sat up in bed...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Aug 13, 2018 17:52:20 GMT
I was thinking about making a Scotland thread earlier just to antagonise my mate Wallis. I couldn't decide between these ... SHOULD SCOTLAND STAY A PART OF ENGLAND OR SHOULD WE GIVE IT BACK TO NORWAY? ARE THE KRANKIES SCOTLAND'S MOST FAMOUS EXPORT OR IS IT STOVIES? WHY IS EVERYONE IN SCOTLAND CALLED JIMMY? EVEN THE CRUMPET IS EVERY WORD IN THE COLLINS SCOTTISH DICTIONARY PRECEDED BY THE EFF-WORD TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND IT? WHEN THE OIL RUNS OUT SHOULD WE RAISE & EXTEND HADRIAN'S WALL AND EMPLOY CRACK SNIPERS? COULD SCOTLAND BECOME A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY WITH INDEPENDENCE OR IS THAT TOO AMBITIOUS? PS. This pic is ace!! ... Made me lol for ages ...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Aug 13, 2018 21:38:54 GMT
Can't believe the rozzers let Sal go home tonight knowing full well what a massive danger she is to the public. Especially as she was sat there goading that copper during the interview. He'll end up with an empty bank account if he's not careful, and he'd better not come crying to me about it. Adam knew how dangerous she was when she accosted him on the street and made him open his wallet. Sally didn't actually say it, but the message was loud and clear from where I was sitting with my packet of Monster Munch. Your money or you're raped. It was sickening to watch. Like a perverted Dick Turpin. I'm now mortally worried about Tim's old fella, after he stupidly let slip that he had savings. I'll not sleep a wink tonight knowing she's still out there. I can't shake the feeling that I'm one of her victims too. Admittedly, I don't know Sally Metcalfe, I've never met Sally Metcalfe, or had any contact with Sally Metcalfe, but ... (sobs) ... I'm sorry, I can't go on. Is there a helpline??
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Post by Holey on Aug 13, 2018 22:02:27 GMT
Tim is a plank, a buffoon . If I were Sal I would dump the idiot and go back to Kevin. Sally is certainly setting her standards very low keeping with dim but Tim.
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Post by Charley Says... on Aug 14, 2018 5:54:51 GMT
It's a good job I wasn't at that fund raiser... I would have punched Tim's comedy teeth down the back of his throat... The workshy thieving scrounging bastard...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Aug 14, 2018 7:16:00 GMT
Can't believe the rozzers let Sal go home tonight knowing full well what a massive danger she is to the public. Especially as she was sat there goading that copper during the interview. He'll end up with an empty bank account if he's not careful, and he'd better not come crying to me about it. Adam knew how dangerous she was when she accosted him on the street and made him open his wallet. Sally didn't actually say it, but the message was loud and clear from where I was sitting with my packet of Monster Munch. Your money or you're raped. It was sickening to watch. Like a perverted Dick Turpin. I'm now mortally worried about Tim's old fella, after he stupidly let slip that he had savings. I'll not sleep a wink tonight knowing she's still out there. I can't shake the feeling that I'm one of her victims too. Admittedly, I don't know Sally Metcalfe, I've never met Sally Metcalfe, or had any contact with Sally Metcalfe, but ... (sobs) ... I'm sorry, I can't go on. Is there a helpline?? That last-but-one line of mine was nicked from the Simpsons. Somebody was supposed to reply ... "It's ok Uncle Q, your tears say far more than real evidence ever could."
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Post by Charley Says... on Aug 14, 2018 18:04:06 GMT
I've just read in t'Gazzette that Sally is looking at ten stretch... She's going to jail and they are throwing away the key by all accounts... I hope she gets beaten up by Queen Bea from Wentworth...
That'll teach the vile woman for trying to get away with fraud... Stealing from the public purse... Swanning around in her Mayoral robes... Thinking she is better than everyone else...
Well let me tell you lady... You are no Annie Walker... Or even Alf Roberts for that matter... You need bringing down a peg or two... And a long prison sentence should sort that out...
I'm livid I am... Tamping aye...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Aug 14, 2018 21:07:35 GMT
See what happens when you have parties?
Crap furniture gets broken.
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Post by Charley Says... on Aug 15, 2018 5:53:00 GMT
Is that another Simpsonism Uncle Q...?
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Aug 15, 2018 19:10:04 GMT
I've heard Tim can't satisfy Sal in bed. This doesn't surprise me one jot.
I also got told he's a sconch.
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Post by Charley Says... on Aug 15, 2018 19:18:10 GMT
Tim is definitely a two pumps and a squirt... Rolls over and farts kinda bloke...
Not like me and thee Uncle Q... We know how to satisfy a woman in bed... Don't we eh...? Nudge nudge wink wink... Say no more...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Aug 15, 2018 19:36:36 GMT
Tim is definitely a two pumps and a squirt... Rolls over and farts kinda bloke...
Not like me and thee Uncle Q... We know how to satisfy a woman in bed... Don't we eh...? Nudge nudge wink wink... Say no more...
Too true mate. I completely overstepped the mark at the bank this morning, after popping in to renew my collection insurance. An elderly lady (about 60 I'm guessing) took me into a little room to sign my form, and asked me if she could look at my ID again. Sure I said, and after passing it to her she said ... "I just wanted to make sure you're fifty, you really don't look it." "Ahh you old smoothy you" ... I said, quickly followed by ... "Take your pants off." She looked horrified and I quickly remembered that I was in the bank and not in the pub. Whoops!
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Post by Charley Says... on Aug 15, 2018 19:40:09 GMT
That elderly lady would have been a MILF twenty years ago... Sadly she's probably a GILF nowadays...
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Post by CAEF on Aug 15, 2018 21:52:48 GMT
Sally is a menace to society. A total menace. I hope she gets locked up for a long time.
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