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Post by Uncle Quentin on Feb 2, 2019 14:44:51 GMT
Carla or Abi, Abi or Carla … Hmmmmm?? It's a tough one for Peter, so let us weigh up the pros & cons in an effort to help the bearded Romeo … CARLA:
(Pros)* Would almost certainly wear her black, thigh-length, leather boots in bed
* Has plenty of money
* Likes a good drink
* Tends to forgive you nobbing other birds
* Is generous with boats(Cons)* Has a voice like a Dalek which would be frightening during sex with the lights out
* Is always hanging around with Michelle so you'd see a lot of her
* Has a reputation for employing scum
* Would expect dates in pubs etc, so you'd be seen out with her & her duck lips, by actual peopleABI:
(Pros)
* A cheap date, will have sex anywhere
* Would fix your telly if it broke
* Filthy in bed - whilst chomping you off she'd also tickle your nuts
* Wouldn't act shocked if she caught you inserting an 'E,' a horse suppository, and a purple omn up your jacksy
* Has lovely massive eyes(Cons)* Would undoubtedly steal your wallet
* Dresses like a gadgy
* Could probably beat you in a fight
* Tends to spend a lot of time in prison… so, it's close, but by the merest of margins, an ant's dick really, it's Abi for me. What about you?  |
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Post by wallis on Feb 2, 2019 15:22:59 GMT
Carla or Abi, Abi or Carla … Hmmmmm?? It's a tough one for Peter, so let us weigh up the pros & cons in an effort to help the bearded Romeo … CARLA:
(Pros)* Would almost certainly wear her black, thigh-length, leather boots in bed
* Has plenty of money
* Likes a good drink
* Tends to forgive you nobbing other birds
* Is generous with boats(Cons)* Has a voice like a Dalek which would be frightening during sex with the lights out
* Is always hanging around with Michelle so you'd see a lot of her
* Has a reputation for employing scum
* Would expect dates in pubs etc, so you'd be seen out with her & her duck lips, by actual peopleABI:
(Pros)
* A cheap date, will have sex anywhere
* Would fix your telly if it broke
* Filthy in bed - whilst chomping you off she'd also tickle your nuts
* Wouldn't act shocked if she caught you inserting an 'E,' a horse suppository, and a purple omn up your jacksy
* Has lovely massive eyes(Cons)* Would undoubtedly steal your wallet
* Dresses like a gadgy
* Could probably beat you in a fight
* Tends to spend a lot of time in prison… so, it's close, but by the merest of margins, an ant's dick really, it's Abi for me. What about you? Lolz!!!!!  I think he should keep them both. |
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Post by CAEF on Feb 2, 2019 16:03:15 GMT
I'd go for Abi. She is a bit of a dog but she is OK really.
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Feb 2, 2019 17:18:13 GMT
I'm surprised Charley is still on here, I thought he'd have kept a low profile after the FA Cup draw. He clearly must be scared.
If we beat Middlesbrough, then his lads better watch out. Not only will they get their heads kicked in down Newport, but if his team of Galácticos try any of that 7-0 or 9-0 shite down by here, then there's gonna be some broken legs for sure. We're not Burton roll-over Albion.
We're not the types who'll stand for that on our rugby pitch.
You're going home in a Newport ambulance.
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Post by Charley Says... on Feb 2, 2019 17:47:47 GMT
And he's back...
Classic OP there Q...
I'd keep Abi for the Doirty Sex...
And Carla for taking to parties etc...
As for the football...
I really do hope you knock the Smog Monsters out of the cup...
They are a pretty tough team...
And we are only good at beating and humiliating shit teams like Burton and Rotherham...
And Newport County...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Feb 2, 2019 18:04:00 GMT
You cheeky c**t.
You guys will experience the 80s at Newport.
A proper culture shock.
It won't be good for you.
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Post by Charley Says... on Feb 2, 2019 18:11:05 GMT
You know I'm only joking...
Or am I...?
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Post by Charley Says... on Feb 2, 2019 18:49:23 GMT
I might come down for the match Uncle Q...
On me own though...
I've got no mates you see...
The wife put paid to that along time ago...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Feb 2, 2019 21:40:49 GMT
I might come down for the match Uncle Q... On me own though... I've got no mates you see... The wife put paid to that along time ago... There'll be a warm bed here for you our kid. And a full English with mushrooms AND beans. |
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Post by Charley Says... on Feb 3, 2019 7:24:25 GMT
No...
No mushrooms and no egg...
Always beans though and tinned toms...
A bit of black pudding and a slice of haggis wouldn't go a miss either...
Oh and a lorne sausage as well...
All washed down with a craft cider...
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Post by Charley Says... on Feb 3, 2019 8:55:10 GMT
Does anyone else think Peter is looking more and more like Grizzly Adams...?
For Gods sake man have a shave...
Or at least neaten it up with a trim...
Perhaps though with him now being Carla's little man in the boat...
He's going for the full on Captain Birdseye look...
All he needs now is a boat full of kids...
The dirty bastard...
I always knew it...
He's the type...
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Post by Uncle Quentin on Feb 6, 2019 13:58:50 GMT
It should be a close match looking at this Chas, it's anyone's game really … (PS. Our record defeat is 13-0 buddy, against Newcastle in 1946, just in case it might be relevant)   |
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Post by Charley Says... on Feb 16, 2019 12:59:56 GMT
Well I finally arrived in Newport...
After setting off yesterday teatime...
What a trek and half that was...
No sign of Uncle Q though...
I thought he'd be welcoming me with open arms...
Especially after his offer of a warm bed and a full English...
But can't find him anywhere...
I'm currently in a pub called The Gaer Inn...
I've asked everyone if they know an Uncle Quentin...
But all I get is puzzled looks...
It must be my cool Manc accent...
I've been down to the Spar as well...
I went in George's Fish Bar and Vibe hairdressers...
I even went in the Londis...
But no one seems to know him...
I've tried to describe him...
A devilishly handsome bloke I said a bit like that George Rooney fella...
With pearly white teeth like that Simon Coward...
And wears all the latest fashions like David Peckham...
But nothing...
I'm beginning to think that this Uncle Quentin doesn't exist...
And that he's just a made up character...
Fooling us all, even Wallis...
Oh well, I'm going to finish my pint...
Grab some lunch at the local Indian, A Touch of Spice...
Then head off to the match...
On me own...
A warm bed and a full English he said...
My arse...
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2019 15:09:33 GMT
Oh wow I know the Gaer....have been in there many times. Get over to the Greyhound Charley....they let all sorts in there.  |
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