Roy's New Bird

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Roy is a genius when it comes to sexual innuendo. Allotments, teabags, tidying up. An absolute genius. He's a bit like Geraldine when she comes home from work. "Oh hi, Mo. I'll just have a quick shower and then put the casserole in the oven". Yeah, right. We all know what she really means. Fnaar fnaar. Kyuk kyuk.

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Mate, you'd have to be dead or gay not to recognise a blatant come-on like that from your Geraldine.
Couldn't be more obvious.

It's like when my missus is sat on the settee coughing and sneezing, and then asks me if we've any paracetamol in the cupboard.
Well if that's not a desperate plea for sex then I don't know what is.

I'm usually naked before she's put her cup of Lemsip down.

Not everybody is as well versed in reading the female psyche as us two though mate, some blokes still need it spelling out to them sadly.

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Yes, a good call, UQ. They do say that love is blind though. I think love and sex are pretty much the same thing, aren't they ?

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Apr 23, 2015 13:56:48 GMT Mo Mouse said:

Yes, a good call, UQ. They do say that love is blind though. I think love and sex are pretty much the same thing, aren't they ?

I'm not sure Mo.

I always thought sex is what you have with a nice bird.
Love on the other hand is what you have for your football team or chips.

I try not to get the two mixed up, last time I did that at the footy they made up a song about me.

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I went up the post office this morning and Roy was in front of me buying a thrifty book of 2nd Class Stamps.

As he fumbled around in his bag, looking for his purse, a bit of paper fell out.
So, what with me being an inquisitive sort, I put my foot on it till he had gone, just so I could pick it up and have a good nosy at it.

As it happens, it was his carefully prepared list of “Things To Do Today” …

1) Go to the cash'n'carry and purchase two five-gallon drums of ‘Acme Industrial-Strength Baked Beans.’
2) Don’t forget to obtain a pallet of cheap cake for the factory girls and Horrible Eileen.
3) Go down to the allotment an hour early and stamp all over Babba-G’s plants, he’ll blame local hoodlums.
4) Go home and press my best trousers, brown shirt, and cream cardigan.
5) Avoid Mary.
6) Consider offering Gary a pay rise now he’s doing so well – perhaps up his hourly rate from fifty pence to 75p?
7) Go back to the allotment and sympathise with Babba-G – tell him that’s typical of the youth of today, they’ve no respect.
8) Nip back to the street and turn all of Babba-G’s chickens loose.
9) Groom that widowed woman some more and take some nice biscuits this time – oh and a pack of johnnies.
10) Have a nice mug of Horlicks before retiring to bed at 9pm with that book about deceiving gullible old widows.

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Amazing, UQ. Absolutely amazing. The way you can see these things. You take one look at a situation and you've got it nailed. Those things would never have occurred to me about Roy but now you say it, I can see it clear as day. I sez to myself the other day, I sez, Mo, you want to be a bit more like that Quentin fella. Try and see things for what they are.

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Ta mate.

I try to see things objectively if I can.
Try my best to view the world through kind and generous glasses.
If I haven't got anything good to say about someone, I'll say nothing.

Not that I'm saying that makes me a better person mind, oh no, I'm an excellent person.
The best.
You'll never see me passing judgement on somebody less fortunate, I'm not the type.

Unlike Charley.

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Yes, that bloke does strike me as being something of a roughyed. He's probably never even read King Lear.

[Charley Says...]

Apr 23, 2015 13:38:16 GMT Mo Mouse said:

Roy is a genius when it comes to sexual innuendo. Allotments, teabags, tidying up. An absolute genius. He's a bit like Geraldine when she comes home from work. "Oh hi, Mo. I'll just have a quick shower and then put the casserole in the oven". Yeah, right. We all know what she really means. Fnaar fnaar. Kyuk kyuk.

Well Mo...?

Was the casserole nice then...?

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It wasn't 'arf bad. I was aching afterwards though. Geraldine was walking bow legged. She always does after a casserole.

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Apr 24, 2015 6:01:49 GMT Mo Mouse said:

It wasn't 'arf bad. I was aching afterwards though. Geraldine was walking bow legged. She always does after a casserole.

What is this unsavoury  comment doing on a thread about Roy ? 

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You'll get used to our dark and often warped sense of humour Lou, we really don't mean any offence lovely.

Either that or you'll get used to ignoring us.
(but hopefully not)

Seeing as it's already had us booted off a few forums, I'd say the chances of us changing our ways now are pretty slim.

I do accept our idea of "humour" isn't to everybody's taste, but you'll not find us baiting, arguing, or getting nasty with other members.
They're the things that really sour a forum in my opinion.
The worst we'll do is lampoon either ourselves or a fictional character, and not always in the best of taste admittedly.

It does however take all sorts of personalities to make up a good forum, and I enjoy reading your posts very much sweetheart, just as I enjoy chuckling at Mo and Charley's more outrageous take on life.

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Apr 24, 2015 8:54:37 GMT @bobtheknob said:

You'll get used to our dark and often warped sense of humour Lou, we really don't mean any offence lovely.

Either that or you'll get used to ignoring us.
(but hopefully not)

Seeing as it's already had us booted off a few forums, I'd say the chances of us changing our ways now are pretty slim.

I do accept our idea of "humour" isn't to everybody's taste, but you'll not find us baiting, arguing, or getting nasty with other members.
They're the things that really sour a forum in my opinion.
The worst we'll do is lampoon either ourselves or a fictional character, and not always in the best of taste admittedly.

It does however take all sorts of personalities to make up a good forum, and I enjoy reading your posts very much sweetheart, just as I enjoy chuckling at Mo and Charley's more outrageous take on life.

Thanks, UQ. Me too. I am pretty broad minded believe  it or not but I have to say that I do find it tedious to be reading sexual comments on threads that have nothing to do with sex but are personal reports( or jokes) about  member's sex lives or characters imaginary sex lives. I have tried to ignore because I love this Forum but I thought I would make my feelings known because I personally find it unnecessary and more to the point, unfunny. . Anyway, thank you for your kind response and for not blasting me for my apparent prudishness. I am not really a prude. Honestly .

[Oldnjaded]

I hope you're not implying the lovely Geraldine is a fictional character there Uncle Q. 

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You're certainly not a prude Lou, you're just a very nice lady who isn't a fan of that particular type of "gutter" humour.
Nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong with saying so either.
We're all different people aren't we, albeit all united by our addiction to our soaps.

I just wanted you to know that it isn't intended to be offensive or upsetting to you (or indeed anyone else), as I'd hate to think our idea of a laugh would drive anybody away from the forum.
I can only speak for myself here, but I would find that a great shame as I enjoy your contributions particularly.
So don't you go changing either.

Thanks for your kind reply too.