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Wheels
Feb 19, 2016 18:47:42 GMT
Post by Charley Says... on Feb 19, 2016 18:47:42 GMT
She'll trundle into Dev's saying...
Anybody got any Vera's...? Laaaaavley...
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Wheels
Feb 19, 2016 18:51:54 GMT
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2016 18:51:54 GMT
Oh Kim, you haven't got any Velvet Underground LPs I could borrow have you?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2016 19:43:02 GMT
Hi Izzy how are you?
Fecking knackered Anna, absolutely bollocksed, me and Jerk were up till 5 o'clock playing XBox.
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Wheels
Feb 19, 2016 19:44:02 GMT
Post by Charley Says... on Feb 19, 2016 19:44:02 GMT
Lolzer Uncle Q... Fecking great...!!
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Wheels
Feb 19, 2016 22:09:14 GMT
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2016 22:09:14 GMT
Yeah I'm dead tired, I think I might go home and get some sleep Anna.
Oh that sounds sensible Izzy love.
Yeah, after I've polished off that noggy I left in Jerk's bedroom this morning.
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Wheels
Feb 19, 2016 22:22:25 GMT
Post by wallis on Feb 19, 2016 22:22:25 GMT
Jesus, she seemed so high when she was talking to Banana in the street that I thought she was about to take off like a scene from ET.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2016 22:40:53 GMT
I'm hearing that next week, Wheels goes trawling the pubs looking to score.
Really hope she ends up spending thirty quid on an Oxo cube.
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Wheels
Feb 19, 2016 23:02:38 GMT
Post by wallis on Feb 19, 2016 23:02:38 GMT
I'm hearing that next week, Wheels goes trawling the pubs looking to score. Really hope she ends up spending thirty quid on an Oxo cube. Well you never know Unk after an Oxo she could be ditching her wheelchair and walking again........
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Wheels
Feb 20, 2016 0:48:54 GMT
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2016 0:48:54 GMT
Haha she'll be crying again next week when she bumps into Kim Tate.
Are you alright Izzy? She'll say.
No (sob), I'm in so much pain again (sob), the Oxo cube, it did nothing.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2016 11:06:33 GMT
I laughed so much at Wheels the other night, in that pub, I had milk coming out of my nose. And I was drinking a can of Strongbow at the time.
"Oooh erm, can you sell me some, erm, mara-joooooo-arna please?"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2016 16:09:19 GMT
Wonder how Wheels is getting on with that quarter that Gary scored for her? We never saw her last night.
Too busy playing 'Sensible Soccer' on the XBox I expect. She's probably got Port Vale to the Champions League Final by now, and is busy trying to sign Messi.
I did notice that Dev had totally run out of Kit-Kats, Fry's Chocolate Creams, and Turkish Delights when I popped in there last night. He must be delighted having a stoner living near by.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2016 11:15:14 GMT
Now that Wheels is addicted to drugs, chocolate, pizzas, and Doritos, I can see her ballooning unfortunately. Soon she'll be too fat to get into her magic chair I fear.
She'll be one of those lardies you see getting airlifted out of the house by a massive crane, just so she can visit the dentist for a filling. Costing the British taxpayer £100k per visit along the way.
Gary will be looking on all concerned, conveniently forgetting all those Mars Bars he went and fetched for her from the all-night Action Garage around the corner. Oh yeah, he'll be keen to hide his part in all of this for sure.
It's little Jerk I most feel for, Tina's kid. He won't be able to find any of his toys. There'll all be circumnavigating Wheels, who by now is so utterly rotund, she has her own gravitational pull.
Still, amongst all this shame there is a bright side. Seeing as she's too fat to leave the flat, all her workmates' purses will be safe for once.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2016 11:38:18 GMT
("ring ring ... ring ring ... ring ring")
Gary: (fumbles) "Yeah (sleepily) Hello?"
Wheels: "Hi Gary, it's me Izzy"
Gary: "Izzy it's 3am, I've got to be at the Gym in nine hours time to stand around looking important, what do you want?"
Wheels: "Can you go t'Action Garage for me Gary?"
Gary: "I'm in bed Izzy, can't it wait?"
Wheels: "(sobs) But I'm in so much pain (sob)"
Gary: "Aggghhh ... ok ... what do you need?"
Wheels: "Seven Double Deckers and a Curly Wurly please"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2016 12:47:11 GMT
(cue music and the audience clapping)
Jeremy Kyle: "Morning guys ... welcome to the show ... my first guest today says ... "Jezza I'm so fat I'm suing Cadbury's" ... brave lady ... be nice to her ... Wheels is on the show everybody"
Wheels: "Hi Jezza"
Kyle: "It's Jeremy you gut-lord ... it says Jeremy Kyle on the wall ... I'm a great dad"
Wheels: "Sorry ... Hi Germany"
Kyle: "People like you make me sick ... get a job and stop sponging off us"
Wheels: "But I haven't told you my story yet"
Kyle: "Hands up everybody ... who thinks this fat bastard would be better off dead?"
Wheels: (sobs)
Kyle: "Let's welcome the genius onto the stage to sit down in a non-threatening manner in his glasses ... Graham's here everybody"
Graham: "You're clearly a disgusting sight to look at Wheels ... but this show can help you"
Wheels: "Thank you"
Kyle: "You'd better change your attitude missus or you'll be getting no help off my show ... I'd walk barefoot over broken glass to see my kids"
Wheels: "Sorry"
Graham: "We have a silver car waiting outside Wheels ... ready to take you to Cadbury World ... are you ready to commit?"
Wheels: "Can we stop at the Action Garage on the way?"
(cue music and the audience clapping)
"The Jeremy Kyle Show is sponsored by Foxy Bingo"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2016 16:59:18 GMT
("Dah dah dah dah!")
"Real people ... real cases ... Judge Judy"
"53-year old Izzy 'Wheels' Armstrong is suing convenience store owner Devendra Alahan for causing her pain and suffering ... Mr Alahan says Armstrong is a drug addict"
Byrd: "All rise ... Y'honour this is case number 541 on the calendar in the matter of Armstrong vs. Alahan ... folks please be seated"
JJ: "Thanks Byrd"
Byrd: "No problem y'honour"
JJ: "Miss Armstrong ... what is your first name?"
Wheels: "Um ..."
JJ: "Um is not an answer"
Wheels: "Izzy ... erm ... Isobel"
JJ: "Very well ... Armstrong ... you are suing the defendant Mr Alahan for five thousand dollars for causing you pain and suffering"
Wheels: "Yes ... he left me in so much pain (sob)"
Dev: "This is ludicrous your honour"
JJ: "Shut up Elvis ... you'll get your turn ... how did the defendant cause you pain Miss Armstrong?"
Wheels: "He purposely ran out of Rizla papers and Twixes ... (sobs)"
JJ: "What do you have to say for yourself Alahan?"
Dev: "Your honour, the plaintiff is a well-known thief, liar and drug addict ... I had a whole crate of Twixes out the back"
JJ: "Ooh did you indeed ... Hmmm ... I don't like liars Miss Armstrong"
Wheels: "But I really needed the king-size Rizlas"
JJ: "Armstrong ... (bangs gavel) ... even on your best day you're not as smart as me ... your case is dismissed ... Byrd get this scumbag out of here"
Byrd: "Sure thing y'honour"
JJ: "Has anyone seen my purse ... it was here a minute ago?"
(Dah dah dah dah!)
"Judge Judy returns after the break"
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