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Wheels
Mar 30, 2016 21:49:18 GMT
Post by wallis on Mar 30, 2016 21:49:18 GMT
ROFL!!!!!! I'm only just seeing this as I took madam over the field after Emmy. Well Beardy warned Gary it was pokey shit, but nobody had any idea it could induce premature labour like that. Thankfully, I'm happy to report that Wheels gave birth to a massive healthy guff at precisely 7:48pm tonight. Both mum and beefy fart are said to be in really good spirits. (Anyone know Beardy's mobile number?? I want to ask him about something)That will be about how long it took him to grow it. The beard I mean of course......
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Post by kitkat1971 on Mar 30, 2016 23:43:25 GMT
I think I've twigged what made me laugh so much. The wheelchair seesaw reminded me of the frantic spinning around and shouting a Dalek does when attacked straight before blowing up in Doctor Who.
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Wheels
Mar 31, 2016 6:17:14 GMT
Post by Charley Says... on Mar 31, 2016 6:17:14 GMT
I think I've twigged what made me laugh so much. The wheelchair seesaw reminded me of the frantic spinning around and shouting a Dalek does when attacked straight before blowing up in Doctor Who. Lol... Exterminate... Exterminate...
BOOM...!!!
No more Izzy... Yay...
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2016 7:09:00 GMT
Exterminate...............exterminate.........................
Actually she kind of reminded me of one of those bump-and-go toys my kids had years ago or perhaps one of those robot vacuum cleaners that does the house when you are out:)
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2016 13:06:48 GMT
Wheels could be up for one of those Bafta awards after last night's performance I'm thinking.
It's the best portrayal of a hyperactive beetle trapped inside a matchbox I've ever seen.
Method acting at its finest.
She's probably already clearing a space on her mantelpiece as I speak.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2016 15:33:04 GMT
I took too many magic mushrooms once, and spent seven hours lying in a field naked singing nursery rhymes to myself.
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Post by J-B on Mar 31, 2016 18:17:04 GMT
I took too many magic mushrooms once, and spent seven hours lying in a field naked singing nursery rhymes to myself.This marked the end of Uncle Q's burgeoning career as a children's TV presenter on CBBC
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Post by Charley Says... on Apr 10, 2016 22:25:51 GMT
Gary gets lifted this week for possession of cannabis... I hope the ginger weirdo loses it in the police cell... Like that time in the back of Owen's van...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 5:13:53 GMT
I hope one of the coppers is a sadistic Falklands war vet who unscrews his wooden leg and beats Gary senseless with it for being an Army deserter.
And then defiles him with it.
Gary's turned Wheels into a massive drug addict and isn't showing the slightest bit of remorse. In fact he was positively bragging to his portly mam about supplying her with the marajoooarna.
Bloke's a menace, only a matter of time till little Jerk eats some of that ganja thinking it's Smarties or M&M's.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 12:07:10 GMT
I read in the news recently that the pigs had busted one of these sophisticated home Ganja farms. You know, those houses that have a whole Moroccan farm's worth of doob growing in the attic. The attics are usually covered in foil, B&Q Gro-bags, and LED grow lights. Why is this National news I hear you ask, well it wasn't so much the filth's nosy discovery that was so newsworthy, but more in how it had occurred. The story goes, every time the police helicopter flew over a certain suburban neighbourhood, they noticed there was always about two hundred pigeons sat huddled together on a particular house's roof. The clever birds really liked this roof apparently because it kept them nice and warm. This in turn made the pigs suspicious and they alerted their mates on the ground who promptly went round there with their big red door-key. So basically the pigeons had grassed the whifty-grower up to the law. I guess you could say they were stool pigeons. I know this hasn't got anything to do with Wheels as such, I just thought it an interesting story. Pigeons also won World War Two for us by spying on Hitler and grassing him up too. True story that, my Nan told me.
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Wheels
Apr 11, 2016 13:55:15 GMT
Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 13:55:15 GMT
I heard that Gary and Izzy are devastated by the news of Howard Marks' passing
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Post by Charley Says... on Apr 15, 2016 23:38:32 GMT
Proper done it now hasn't she... The mad old bag...
Fancy grassing up your dealer... Then waving a bag of skunk under the coppers nose...
They should have threw the book at her... But they obviously took pity on her because of her condition... No not the fact she's in a go-kart... The fact she used to live with that ginger loon...
He's put her on the slippery slope to addiction... And now he's pulled the plug because the rozzers are on to him...
Oh well Izzy... It's time to get on the game love... I'm sure Leanne has a spare mattress you can tie to your wheels... You've spent far too long sitting on that fat arse of yours... It's about time you made it pay for it's self...
Let's just hope you make more than your bus fare home...
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Wheels
Apr 16, 2016 13:48:09 GMT
Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2016 13:48:09 GMT
Pigeons also won World War Two for us by spying on Hitler and grassing him up too. True story that, my Nan told me.
Nan was right. Pigeons have indeed won medals for their bravery and sacrifice in war. The Dicken Medal originated for such heroism, it is still awarded today to animals and birds too. Recent recipients have been bomb sniffer dogs in Afghanistan and the Malinois who was blown up by those asshats in Paris.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2016 2:47:52 GMT
Dreaful episode of Corrie on Friday night, thankfully though Wheels saved the day. I was a bit drunk so I might not remember it word for word, but I thought this scene in the Police Station particularly enjoyable ...
PC Copper: "Righty-o Ginge ... on account of you being caught red-handed with that bag of babysitter, we're going to issue you with a girly caution and a stern telling off fella-me-lad"
Gary: "Ok (phew) ... whatever ... I've got clients to get back to"
PC Copper: "Yeah, so that's the end of it now ... you're free to go and let that be a lesson to you young man ... "
(knock knock at the door ... another copper enters and whispers something)
PC Copper: "Sit back down RIGHT NOW Tango Bollocks!! ... Ahhh ... so you're a major dealer and distributor eh?! ... A Mister Big ... a king-pin ... a big cheese and all that malarkey eh! ... Eh?!"
Gary: "Uh??"
PC Copper: "And to think you almost had us fooled for a second Carrot-top ... thankfully some new grassed information has since come to light ... vile scumbags like you make us puke ... polluting our fecking streets ... corrupting our frickin' kids ... oh we've got you now!"
Gary: "I ... I ... I don't understand"
PC Copper: "Oh aye ... we've got ya Sonny-Jim ... GOTCHA ... by the short and curlies ... some Robotron bird who's half-skirt half-machine has trundled into the station and sung like a canary fella-me-jig ... now we've gotcha and no mistake ... you're going down for this you slag"
Gary: "B-b-but ... I'm ... I'm not a dealer ... I run the gym ... I've got clients to see to ... I'm a busy man ... with clients"
PC Copper: "You'll get five years for this you evil bastard ... bang to rights you are ... thanks to erm ... now who was it again (rustles paper) ... ah yes ... a Miss Wheels Armstrong and her yellow-bellied bean spilling"
Gary: "But clients ... I've got clients"
PC Copper: "Oh you'll have plenty of clients where you're going matey-boy ... I hope you've got strong knees ... you're going to be on them more often than a ruddy archaeologist for your new clients ... ten years you'll get for this you fecking slaaaag ... thanks to Go-cart-Lil out there"
Gary: "Ok I think I need a solicitor"
PC Copper: "Solicitor? ... Solicitor?? ... Oh aye resisting arrest are you?? ... You'll fecking hang for this you albino scumbag ... dead for this you are ... Sergeant go and fetch the lads and my truncheon ... "
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Post by Charley Says... on Apr 17, 2016 18:08:37 GMT
I see Johnny Connor tries to sack Wheels this week... For operating a sewing machine while stoned...
In her defence... Wheels says she remembers feck all about it...
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